The Multicultural Women’s Dialogue has been going on at Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago since 1992. Following are excerpts from a transcript of a reflecting on what group members had learned from their experiences together.
- There’s the pseudo assumption that because we’re women we share a common bond. But that’s not necessarily true.
- As an African American woman, I deal with issues differently than my white, Hispanic, Asian and even my other African American sisters. A white woman dealing with something emotionally is totally different than a black women dealing with something emotionally.
- I grew up interpreting silence as a sign of respectful listening. It surprised me that when white women were silent in our group, it was perceived to be withdrawal or hiding. I learned that sometimes I do use silence that way, as a way of trying to be safe. My assumptions also changed about anger. I was trained my whole life not to express anger. Tears were safer. I learned that it is very different for other women. From several African American women, I learned that tears aren’t useful in times of danger; that you have to fight. To stand up for yourself.
- For me the trust factor was so important and it’s what made me stick with it because I learned to trust the women in the group regardless of who you were. We were baring our souls. That didn’t come easy.
- There were white woman who didn’t know how to struggle or how to stand the struggle. And that is one of the reasons they did not share. They were hearing all this stuff that we were going through— experiences that they did not have. White women’s struggles have solutions and things to protect them; while our struggles, as women of color, have no ending. White women don’t know how to go on and on. There isn’t the stamina.
- We as women of color were brought up very early on to speak up. If you didn’t speak out, you were trampled. If it hurts you, holler.
- But for certain women of color, to speak out is culturally wrong. For Asian women that this is just a no-no. Am I right in saying this?
- All of us have dealt with systems as women and as women who have created ways to survive. And what was wonderful was to look at new systems of survival that you never considered because you’re so busy surviving
- I remember one night in particular when a white woman said something vulnerable and about two sentences later a woman of color said, “you white women don’t share anything.” I wondered if she didn’t hear or if the tone of voice was not communicating deep feeling and passion. Some of our misunderstandings may be rooted in our styles of communication.
- It was so hard for me to identify with the pain of white women because it didn’t feel like she was coming from the same experience. I’m “typing” it. This is really bad, this is really bad. Many times when I went home I really had to do some real soul searching so I could understand “Well, yeah, that really was pain. That really was pain for her.”
- I felt like I was in the UN and every one was speaking a different language and we had to translate. By the end of the night I was washed.
- When a white woman says that was annoying, they basically meant that that flattened them to the ground. When some body else says it basically destroyed my soul, it was something that they’re used to dealing with.
- Sometimes we need to wander in the wilderness. To find exactly what this dialogue is about.